I missed blogging a post for August…a sure sign that I’ve just been wrapped up so much with work and life. I apologize to my MFP buddies for not checking in with them for the past several weeks.

Along with this comes the regret of not holding myself accountable for staying on course with diet and exercise.

Yes, things got really busy at work when coworkers left or got laid off and I had to take on extra responsibility. Yes, I got really stressed out when frightened people afraid of losing their jobs kept begging at my door for somebody to listen to their problems. Yes, I was frustrated by a remote coworker’s attempts to micro-manage me. Yes, there are big changes brewing at my workplace and the tension is driving me batty. Yes, we had to undergo a major audit in which I was a major participant. Yes, I came down with a bug that made me lose my voice, but I still had to attend several sales teleconferences. Yes, my future father-in-law passed away unexpectedly and I never got to meet him. Yes, we attempted to make funeral arrangements remotely, but family drama kept getting in the way. Yes, my fiance is grieving and I have no way to comfort him or deal with his moods. Yes, I fell off the wagon for nearly two weeks and what a pain it is to get back to good habits… somaybeishouldjustcampmyassinfrontofthetvandeatjunkfoodallday.

I am acutely aware that all of these things were excuses, or precursors to excuses. At different points and times, I made a decision to derail myself because of what happened. I set aside my own requirements and priorities because the situations were reasons I justified for not taking care of myself. And in failing to provide for myself, I undermined my own attempts to be a supportive, understanding and productive person.

I know that when I eat better, sleep more, exercise daily, I am a better version of me than that other me that’s chowing down on junk food resulting in frequent mood swings and an unhappy tummy, gets cranky and inattentive due to lack of sleep, and feels stressed from a lack of exercise. 

I realize my experiences in August could have been a lot better had I only stayed loyal to myself. I might have been a better supporter, worker, fiancee, etc. by standing firmly by my convictions instead of compromising at every setback.

I need to remember that in order to face tomorrow’s challenges, I must prepare myself by staying true to the things that keep me strong and flexible.

We all experience seasons when our plates have become too full, but the best way to manage them is not by reaching out and adding more onto that plate. We can neither help ourselves or others when we self-sabotage.

Yeah, I’m a nerd. And I work out to polka music (sometimes)…and why not, it’s got a fast beat, try pumping iron at this tempo.

http://youtu.be/TRd_pUwRX6Q

I changed my profile content and goals yesterday. As I stare at that new goal, I believe that I’ve matured enough in this journey to realize that some things on my previous wish list were superficial things, i.e. the tangibles. That is not to say that they were meaningless fantasies or gestures; rather, they only represented the most outward appearance of what I was ultimately trying to achieve and just recently figured out.

I think that I’ve arrived at this ONE thing that has made this journey more acceptable, and in more ways pleasant and enjoyable. I’ve become more aware of the types of food that I feed my body, and the amount of food that it takes to fuel it. It’s also not as easy to shirk off planned exercise. It helps to stay accountable for my evening walks (low level cardio) when my man and dogs are accompanying me. The spirit of competition also keeps me moving, exercising–especially when all my MFP pals are doing something to change their lives, posting their progress every step along the way. The general sense of well-being, of alertness, of “being present” that I get with this new lifestyle is a very desirable, very energizing feeling that it’s difficult to accept that there was a time when everyday living was an impersonal blur (especially when I slip off that wagon). There’s a very real sense of existence nowadays, rather than plain subsistence.

 “It is never too late to be what you might have been”.

While I lament that it’s taken me 2 years to get to this point, I feel guilty that it took half a lifetime to grasp above. I never realized how weak I was before life demanded strength of me. And when the demands were made of me, I nearly failed so utterly without realizing it was my weakness dragging me down. I count it a victory that I’ve recognized the need for change, even if it is later than life than I wanted. I count myself lucky that I arrived at this realization.

I’ve made changes to aid me in my success: building a social network of supporters, logging my data in MFP and other sites, getting an HRM, installing health and fitness apps, reading and researching all the info on the world wide web that I can get my hands on to ensure my health and fitness. The more I gather data, the more I realize how much there is yet to learn. Thankfully, it is this influx of learning that keeps me engaged and vested in my future. Not to mention all the new fitness toys that I can lay my paws on.

Some people change because it’s the difference between life and death; some people do it because they want to be with loved ones as long as life permits.

Me: I want to find out my true potential…who I could be, the best version of me that can possibly be. It’s the stranger in a future mirror that is staring back at me, beckoning…and it’s so exciting to meet somebody new. That future somebody who is me.

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” 

My work team is entering the final stretch of a global initiative to get the company moving, with fitness and healthfulness the end goal. In my previous three weeks, I’ve managed to ramp up my overall steps to above 10k weekly average, progressing each week. I hope to top that number in my final week, but it’s been a slow start so far.

10k steps is a good 3 miles’ walk a day–and a challenge if your butt has never managed to walk any farther than a quick trip to the coffee machine or water cooler. On alternate days, it turns into an endurance test whether it be a brisk jog or run or burst-chasing the pups in the dog park. I’ve had to pick up a new app, new clothes and new shoes to keep up with the daily walks–because frankly, not having the right equipment HURTS! I have noticed an improved quality in my stride after picking up new shoes–my previous running Skechers developed a huge crack along both soles.  A new running wardrobe to wick away the summer sweat also makes daytime walking literally a breeze!

The one huge positive in all this is that my appetite has stayed mostly in check and I’ve succeeded in dropping a few pounds–which supports the adage that diet is 80% of weight loss. I’ve noticed that the steps are also resulting in stronger, albeit much more sore, legs–I wish that my tape measurements would reflect progress, but I suspect that significant changes won’t be evident until I drop to 130lbs.

All of this walking comes with a downside; I haven’t been consistent with my strength training or weightlifting, and my body recomp goals are on a perma-hold status until I can strike a balance between the low-level cardio and heavy lifting. One constant sore reminder is that I still haven’t procured a squat rack for my home gym, which limits the weights I’ve been able to do. I haven’t properly kicked myself in the butt when it comes to pushups either; I manage to hit my goals only once or twice a week, far less than the every day schedule I had planned.

The most important thing I’ve learned on my fitness journey–and it’s been 2.5 years getting here–is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to getting fit and healthy. I have learned a LOT about what works for my body–I’ve read tons of resources directing me what’s the best way to lose weight, get fit, become a better person, but ultimately found a lot  of “BAD” and “OUTDATED” advice out there.

Realistically, the best program is one that I can stick with–for life!…and that is currently a work in progress.

Hope all my MFP pals find what works for them. 

It’s not a fantastic end to a promising challenge. I got nowhere close to achieving the goals I set out for myself. 

I have friends and coworkers participating in health and fitness challenges who have made significant progress with their weight and well-being. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them, but I look at the scale and scope of my challenge and I can’t help but draw parallels: I really don’t have as much weight to lose or more ground to cover when it comes to regular exercise. I feel I’m better shape than my competitors–but by golly, it’s so much harder when one gets closer to their goals.

As I suspected, my diet continues to undermine my progress. I slip up way too often, giving myself permission to consume foods and snacks that hinder me. The sugar fiend haunts me on a regular basis; my tastebuds daydream of sugary desserts (blast you carrot cake) and it is so hard to break away from this addiction.

My expectations of course are also out of alignment; I’m still desirous of the quick fix–winning the sprint–when I’m really running a marathon. The new pullup bands I ordered has maybe seen activity only once a week since I purchased them. And the 100 pushups a day–there was always some excuse not to do them daily. I even bought a new 25lb kettlebell, but after a few workouts to failure, the DOMS kept me sidelined until I promptly forgot about them.

I really wanted to get more barbell lifting done, but the lack of space and a squat rack really limited me from doing it regularly. What a string of excuses I’ve come up with.

A few weeks ago, I got sucked back into PC gaming, which set me back onto a pattern of too much sitting and not enough sleeping (along with unhealthy snacking and less exercise). I can feel it so much more plainly nowadays when I didn’t get enough rest/recharge time.  

Some things have gone right, however. 

• I’m tracking my vitals more regularly 
• I’ve been walking about 8000+ average steps a day
• I taken the dogs out for walks nearly every day
• I’ve also been regularly taking my BP pills
• I participate in workplace fitness challenges
• I pre-cook most of my meals on the weekends
• I spent more time outdoors lately (even with the warmer weather)
• I am more “aware” of how I physically feel

I realize that stressful situations at work and home lowered my willpower. I have to regain control of these things so that I don’t self-sabotage myself. 

Reflecting upon the past challenge I noticed how some experiments rubber-banded: snapping back to the starting point every time I stretched. It’s as if the idea of a ceiling is causing me to under-perform. I have read that smaller goals are achievable than large ones; but maybe those are too easy because I bore easily. 

With the long summer looming ahead, I’ve been toying with the idea of getting back into the gym setting, except that I’ve already started investing in my own home gym–it would be silly to throw that money away. 

There are a few sure bets (goals) that I do want to achieve, to want, to have right now:

• A stronger, more muscular top half
• Continue to belt out 8000+ steps a day

 Things on my wishlist that continue to confound me:

 Dropping 20lbs and getting lean

• Seeing my abs (and getting lean)
• Sticking to a meal plan consistently (not cave to temptation so much)
• Doing 100 pushups a day
• Doing unassisted chinups/pullups