I missed blogging a post for August…a sure sign that I’ve just been wrapped up so much with work and life. I apologize to my MFP buddies for not checking in with them for the past several weeks.

Along with this comes the regret of not holding myself accountable for staying on course with diet and exercise.

Yes, things got really busy at work when coworkers left or got laid off and I had to take on extra responsibility. Yes, I got really stressed out when frightened people afraid of losing their jobs kept begging at my door for somebody to listen to their problems. Yes, I was frustrated by a remote coworker’s attempts to micro-manage me. Yes, there are big changes brewing at my workplace and the tension is driving me batty. Yes, we had to undergo a major audit in which I was a major participant. Yes, I came down with a bug that made me lose my voice, but I still had to attend several sales teleconferences. Yes, my future father-in-law passed away unexpectedly and I never got to meet him. Yes, we attempted to make funeral arrangements remotely, but family drama kept getting in the way. Yes, my fiance is grieving and I have no way to comfort him or deal with his moods. Yes, I fell off the wagon for nearly two weeks and what a pain it is to get back to good habits… somaybeishouldjustcampmyassinfrontofthetvandeatjunkfoodallday.

I am acutely aware that all of these things were excuses, or precursors to excuses. At different points and times, I made a decision to derail myself because of what happened. I set aside my own requirements and priorities because the situations were reasons I justified for not taking care of myself. And in failing to provide for myself, I undermined my own attempts to be a supportive, understanding and productive person.

I know that when I eat better, sleep more, exercise daily, I am a better version of me than that other me that’s chowing down on junk food resulting in frequent mood swings and an unhappy tummy, gets cranky and inattentive due to lack of sleep, and feels stressed from a lack of exercise. 

I realize my experiences in August could have been a lot better had I only stayed loyal to myself. I might have been a better supporter, worker, fiancee, etc. by standing firmly by my convictions instead of compromising at every setback.

I need to remember that in order to face tomorrow’s challenges, I must prepare myself by staying true to the things that keep me strong and flexible.

We all experience seasons when our plates have become too full, but the best way to manage them is not by reaching out and adding more onto that plate. We can neither help ourselves or others when we self-sabotage.

Yeah, I’m a nerd. And I work out to polka music (sometimes)…and why not, it’s got a fast beat, try pumping iron at this tempo.

http://youtu.be/TRd_pUwRX6Q

I changed my profile content and goals yesterday. As I stare at that new goal, I believe that I’ve matured enough in this journey to realize that some things on my previous wish list were superficial things, i.e. the tangibles. That is not to say that they were meaningless fantasies or gestures; rather, they only represented the most outward appearance of what I was ultimately trying to achieve and just recently figured out.

I think that I’ve arrived at this ONE thing that has made this journey more acceptable, and in more ways pleasant and enjoyable. I’ve become more aware of the types of food that I feed my body, and the amount of food that it takes to fuel it. It’s also not as easy to shirk off planned exercise. It helps to stay accountable for my evening walks (low level cardio) when my man and dogs are accompanying me. The spirit of competition also keeps me moving, exercising–especially when all my MFP pals are doing something to change their lives, posting their progress every step along the way. The general sense of well-being, of alertness, of “being present” that I get with this new lifestyle is a very desirable, very energizing feeling that it’s difficult to accept that there was a time when everyday living was an impersonal blur (especially when I slip off that wagon). There’s a very real sense of existence nowadays, rather than plain subsistence.

 “It is never too late to be what you might have been”.

While I lament that it’s taken me 2 years to get to this point, I feel guilty that it took half a lifetime to grasp above. I never realized how weak I was before life demanded strength of me. And when the demands were made of me, I nearly failed so utterly without realizing it was my weakness dragging me down. I count it a victory that I’ve recognized the need for change, even if it is later than life than I wanted. I count myself lucky that I arrived at this realization.

I’ve made changes to aid me in my success: building a social network of supporters, logging my data in MFP and other sites, getting an HRM, installing health and fitness apps, reading and researching all the info on the world wide web that I can get my hands on to ensure my health and fitness. The more I gather data, the more I realize how much there is yet to learn. Thankfully, it is this influx of learning that keeps me engaged and vested in my future. Not to mention all the new fitness toys that I can lay my paws on.

Some people change because it’s the difference between life and death; some people do it because they want to be with loved ones as long as life permits.

Me: I want to find out my true potential…who I could be, the best version of me that can possibly be. It’s the stranger in a future mirror that is staring back at me, beckoning…and it’s so exciting to meet somebody new. That future somebody who is me.

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”