An MFP forum thread recently caught my eye in which the poster lamented that she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t eat normal food like other people and not gain weight. It was her observation that her peers could get away with consuming 2000-3000 calories and still call it a good day. Meanwhile she expressed frustration that she couldn’t do the same while living a sedentary lifestyle.

Unfortunately, her post drew a lot of negative criticism to the point that some folks thought she was pranking the community. It didn’t help that she was calling out some of these “unhelpful” folks for being…well…douchebags.

Both camps approached the subject the wrong way. I had plenty to say about the topic but preferred to blog about it.

For the OP, the definition of normal was subjective. Her thinking about what was considered “normal” eating habits clearly needed realignment . Today, two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese. If one wanted to align their definition of “normal” by the current standard, then it’s going to be a very long road to weight loss.

Let’s face it: normal portion sizes have grown, along with our waistlines, over the past several generations. Media and marketing have bombarded us with images of “healthy” people consuming “healthy portions” and our attitudes towards food have been molded by it ever since. Restaurants have tapped into our value-minded consciousness and sold us on getting more bang for our buck. Some of our behaviors have also been shaped by our families and environment who insist on cleaning up our plates because– apparently–you never know where your next meal is coming from. 

Regarding the arguments of the opposite camp: it was very easy to poke fun about where the OP came from. Clearly these folks were so distanced from the issue that they couldn’t sympathize with the problem. So rather than give helpful advice, they dished out sarcasm and made light of the issue. In their thinking and experience, how hard is it to eat only their TDEE calories a day? How hard is it to say no to the unhealthy choices? Their approach marginalized the OP’s problems–“hey that’s the way it is, so get over it”–without recognizing that one of the first and biggest hurdles that anybody in the OP’s position is to reprogram the way they think about food.

Some people have been lucky/blessed that they have a normal relationship with food, whether from a positive upbringing, an active lifestyle, or good education. Some folks may have had unwholesome behaviors that they turned around with little effort. These are the people in which the word “diet” correlates to the word “lifestyle”…and that there is no such thing as the word “deprivation”, only “balance” and “moderation”.

Is it little wonder that they looked upon the OP and considered her “abnormal”, even “deviant”, when it came to her relationship with food? They may have thought their advice “tough love”, but it manifested as harmful and injurious. Nobody should be made to feel even worse after publicizing their problem and asking for help, which was unfortunately the outcome of the thread.

We come to the point of this post. Eating “normal” is a serious undertaking for those of us who have not had a positive connection with food. If you have spent most of your life eating deficiently or excessively, it will take time to repair that gap. The first step is coming to terms with this–change will not happen overnight. Old habits and behaviors are very very hard to change, especially if you’ve convinced yourself that eating less or more is a part of who you are. For a technical person like me, a good analogy is to “fdisk, format, reinstall”. Simply put: 1) wipe out everything you know, 2) lay down a good foundation, then 3) put a solid program in place. Some of us may not necessarily have to go to such extremes…if you can define the problem, then you can certainly fix it! 

Next steps: educate yourself! Read labels, check out menus, learn to cook, get close to your food source, organize your support group, buy a food scale. Don’t take the word of “those who have been there, done that” because each person’s experience is individual and unique. Your circumstances are different; only you know your own body. Get to know yourself all over again…and be honest. If you’re going to have a healthy relationship with yourself, then be true and forthcoming. Hold yourself accountable! And never, ever stop learning. The world changes everyday; staying knowledgeable will keep you engaged and present.

Last but not least: when you finally meet your objectives, don’t forget where you came from. Understand how hard it was for you to achieve your goals. Don’t belittle others’ efforts to improve themselves. Recognize that it is a difficult journey, and that not everybody will reach the finish line the same time OR the same way as you. Everyone’s circumstances are different; each person has special challenges that they will have to face. You can choose to be a critic or a supporter, but never be dismissive.

Always remember: normal isn’t what you think it is. It isn’t as easy as you believe. Transformation does not come cheaply, or we’d all be gracing the covers of beauty and muscle magazines. Celebrate the journey you take to get there.

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